And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
