Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
