Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
