new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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