ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
