I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
