youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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