I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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