But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
