You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
