i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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