Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize