so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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