He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
