are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
