There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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