You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
