I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
