This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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