There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
