haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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