Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
