I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
