i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
