At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
