I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
