And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
