if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
