the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
