you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
