woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
