Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
