She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
