oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
