Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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