"it" just moved
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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