It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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