is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
