We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
