i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
