Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
