just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
