it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
