Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
