So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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