I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize