Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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