So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
