perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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