Will you blow on my dice?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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