i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
