Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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