sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
