the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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