Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
