508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need water and some morals
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
