If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
