Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
