sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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