come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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