She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
