He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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