all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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