I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
