So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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