I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
