omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
