Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
