You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
