Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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