I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You have to summon your inner elephant
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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