wakey wakey hands off snakey
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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