I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
