i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
