No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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